controversial commentary on a wide variety of subjects
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Anatomy of an argument or What my rabbit thought
See my rabbit over there?
A fool once called poor bun a hare.
All those about within ear shot
Were placed in a state of near total shock.
On hearing such folly there arose a great roar
From border to border and shore to shore,
From common souls to lofty fools
To children dozing off in schools.
Sticklers such a faux pas rejected.
Scientists, growing apoplectic,
Wagged their heads in disbelief.
‘You’ve caused," they raged, “this rabbit grief!
You surely suffer from deep delusion
To be in such profound confusion.
Have you lost all your sight and senses
And missed their glaring differences?
No matter, sir, how you split the hare
In shape, form and fashion he’s dissimilar.
They’re so unlike in mood and mien
Once seen one need not look again.
They’re so diverse in taste and habit
How dare you confuse a hare for a rabbit?!
Or perhaps it's that you simply don't care
About the vast differences twixt rabbit and hare?
The contrast, we claim, is plain and prosaic
You’ll be amazed when we display it.
Just lend an ear and listen to us
As we intone our litany.
Listen in moods both deep and pensive
For the list I read is quite extensive.
Open your eyes and open your heart
And observe now our Grand Anatomical Chart!
Their legs, we believe, are a good first instance.
Note the rabbit’s have the greater distance,
It’s also true and easy to see
Their unsame length from toe to knee.
Next, stare true and please don’t blink
And then you will see their out of sync wink!
Claims of sameness we easily trump
By noting the timing and tone of their thumps.
The difference, we claim, is truly endemic.
Logicians claim it is quite logarithmic.
Yet, it takes no machine to easily tell
The chasmic difference in their decibel.
Nor do we need a modern computer
To prove this rabbit is a much better rooter.
Also we’re sure you don’t know the fact
They're hardly the same in their sacoriliac.
Concerning our next point, we’ll just give the nexus
These creatures do not have the same solar plexus!
Next, follow our pointer as it exposes
The various movements of each of their noses.
Only one blind could ever maintain
Such gyrations to be remotely the same.
And maybe we’re wrong, but we certainly think,
Of the two, only one has a nose that is pink!
One need draw neither too close nor too near
To see their long, sleek and contrastive ears.
Now please the wits to be found in your braniums
And note the great difference to be seen in their craniums.
Note, too, that God saw it good to bequeath
A very great difference in the shapes of their teeth.
And there’s sadly no time to summarize
All the differences found in the flab of their thighs.
Now that with thoroughness we have discussed
Disparities, some subtle and some obvious!
Confess with your lips their great variations
Behold and admit their differentiations.
We hope now that all are in happy accord
Over the use and abuse of this word.
It should not take an act of a full legislature
To enforce proper use of such clear nomenclature!
Repent, now, your dolefully daft vocal habit
To you, sir, his Moniker is “Mr. Rabbit”!"
While stickers fumed and scientists fussed
And others like-minded stomped and cussed,
While pedants proclaimed
And explainers explained
I asked them, “Is Bun also perturbed,
And raging over misuse of this word?”
Aroused from slumber by the pedants' screams
Awoke Mr. Bun from his deep Tantric dreams
And revealed to me all with a nod and a wink.
“What,” they asked, “does Bunbun think?!?”
"He told me", said I, "so I need not guess,
In gestures free of all duress,
I heard him loud and heard him clear,
Though he spake no word mortal ear can hear."
“Grass I like and carrots too,
And running through green grassy dew.
I like sweet fruits and escarole
And hiding in my warm, dark hole.
Alfalfa's my fave of all things edible,
Its taste is just simply quite unforgettable.
I also like jumping and then pirouetting
And growing hair and then that hair shedding.
And running through halls, hiding under the bed,
And leaping high over the lazy cat’s head.
I like going nose to nose with the dog,
Or pretending he's a fat, furry forest log.
I even like chewing electrical wire,
Despite potentialities grave, drear and dire.
Some times I even like when I am petted,
After, of course, the petter’s been vetted.
Only then am I sure that I shall not
End up in the unvetted’s steaming stew pot.
That is all, for now, that I have to say,
So I bid one and all a very Good day.”
Saying no more he fell into
His own very deep meditational stew.
"And what," scholars asked, "of our great controversy
Argued sans grace and debated sans mercy?
Pray, did he give us his firm approbation
Did he our vast labors reward with ovation?"
When I saw how they shimmied, and shook, and did worry,
I hastened to respond in more than a hurry.
As their brows furrowed deeply and faces grew red,
I turned with a flourish, and here's what I said:
"Worry not today, neither fume more or fret,
For what Bunbun said to me you shall know yet.
For I shall arise and boldly orate
And share all Black Bunny intended to state.
Tis true, he made no reference
Nor gave the slightest deference
When I pled with him to make it said
That which he thought within his wee head."
“How, then,” asked the pedants, “shall you embark
To clarify that rabbit's remark?”
The scientists too began to chime in
Until all together they made a great din.
But raising my hands high over my head,
I calmed them down and the following said:
"A fair query, dear friends, you pose to me here,
And I have the answer, so be of good cheer:
Assume not silence is always consent,
Trust me, I know just what he meant.
Even though it's true his thoughts went unsaid
I know quite well what Bun had in his head.
There's no further need for your noisy onslaught,
So sit simply in silence while I tell you his thought.
Now listen to me and please pay mind.
For here’s what, in brief, Bunbun opined:
See my rabbit over there,
Put sweet, short and simple; he doesn’t care."
tom the blogger